The Great Unknown
By June Roettger, Outdoor Skills Instructor
Last month, David Minor sent out an email to myself and other CCMI Media Ambassadors containing his blog post about imposter syndrome. I read the post, enjoyed it, and went on with my day.
However, a couple weeks later, this phrase – imposter syndrome – kept ringing in my head. I’ve never felt like an imposter at CCMI, but every once in a while a little voice in my head whispers, “you don’t fit in.”
I sometimes feel like I’m not on the right path. I have a Bachelor’s in English, whereas most of my coworkers with degrees majored in environmental fields, and here they are, working at a conservation organization. So what am I doing here?
Well, that’s the funny thing about being an adult. There’s no step by step guide to figuring one’s life out. We’re all on our own unique paths, sometimes living in an uncomfortable state of great unknowns. I have spent a lot of time in the unknown, and now believing I’ve emerged on the other side, full of certainty, I’d like to share with you the value of taking the circuitous route to self realization.
As I mentioned in my first blog post, I’ve been working with CCMI since I was fifteen. My many rich experiences with this organization have brought me back to it in various capacities. But after my summer as an SYC Crew Leader, I felt completely unsure of how to translate my love for teaching and working with youth to a tangible career path. On top of that, although I love being outside, I’d always secretly hoped for a job with a diminished risk of ending my day covered in mud.
With a vague semblance of my career goals, I had no idea how leading I Can! Programs this summer would get me any closer to finding my path; I just knew that the position interested me. But about halfway through this summer, a routine conversation with my mom on the topic turned into a much-needed epiphany.
I told her what I enjoyed about my job: the diversity among participants, sharing knowledge, watching wide-eyed children learn about nature, and receiving genuine gratitude from students.
She simply said, “I think you should get a Master’s of Education and become a teacher.”
Something within me came alive in that moment. I remembered a far off dream I once had of becoming a teacher while I was in high school. I had taken an English class which I enjoyed so much that I wished I could stay in it for the rest of my life. But I had long ago swept this idea under the rug; the supposed negatives of teaching scared me.
However, I learned at that moment that when something feels right, the “what ifs” lose their power. I have entertained various career paths since I graduated college, many of which seemed like sound options – none of which felt right. Returning to the dream I had of becoming an English teacher felt almost therapeutic in its alignment with my passions.
This September, after I finish my fourth summer with CCMI, I am starting a position as an Educational Assistant with St Paul Public Schools. I am beyond excited to work with students through an entire school year and utilize the teaching skills, empathy, and grit I have acquired in my positions with CCMI.
So, to answer my own question, “what am I doing here?” I have this to say:
I used to think that my experiences at CCMI, although deeply enjoyable, wouldn’t get me any closer to finding my way out of this great unknown. However, I continually returned to this organization because it felt right.
Life is not always about placing yourself in the most logical position. Sometimes it’s about taking the opportunity that intrigues you, even if the outcome is uncertain. It may take some time, but I can say with confidence that exploring your passions and trusting your gut is essential for growth.
The memories, friends, and skills I have gained while with CCMI far outweigh any doubts I once had about my purpose. So I encourage you, reader, to take the scenic route. Explore uncertainty. Do what feels right, even if it doesn’t always make sense. You may just find exactly what you’re hoping for.